In meditation of Maha Shodasi Vidya,
I was seeing the sun and feeling his heat. Suddenly, the sun was becoming brighter and brighter - but cooler and cooler. A thrill passed through my body creating utter awareness which dissolved me into a uniform grey, wet light. The sun reappeared again out of the grey. The grey turned to deep dark. The center of the sun blackened. Only a hollow ring of white light remained, scarcely lighting up the sky. Out of the center of darkness of the sun, a point of light appeared. The point grew in to a V, a bird, huge bird. It was flying to me. It was Garuda.
Garuda stopped some five miles ahead of me and spread his bejewelled wing out to me.
I stepped on to the wing wondering how long it would take to walk to the center. The wing moved under me, carried me to the center effortlessly, through the clouds, in a whiff. Garuda took off smoothly, silently.
I was a witness, seeing him become small. And myself on his back. Both merging into a V, and then into the point of light in the center of the sun.
I tried to follow that point. The point grew larger, into a circle. And there was a milky ocean and Sesha and Vishnu with Lakshmi in his heart.
And I saw myself merging into Lakshmi, in the center of Vishnu's heart.
And I entered her milky breast. There was an ocean of milk again in an orb. And I was Vishnu watching that ocean in the orb.
The horizon was vertical to start with, then tilted slowly to horizontal, anticlockwise. There was the orange sun rising on the horizon. Its bright spot of reflection rippling a wave of light on the milky ocean, tracing, a dancing golden yellow line. And out of the center of the orb, a majestic Shiva Linga about ten times the size of the sun (or perhaps larger because it was further off), emerged brightening up the dark sky into a violet glow. It was emitting a pod of white light with an orange flame in its center towards the northeast, and three fainter flows of blue yellow, and red towards the northwest. And there was a Trishul - the trident standing vertical, the head of the trident going out of the orb. The bottom leg of the trident, on closer inspection, turned out to be a huge river of milky nectar pouring down and itself lighted up by the light from Shiva Linga. The flood was filling up the nectarine ocean below. The head of the trident was in fact the outline of a yoni and the flood was pouring out of the rosy center. The center was surrounded by four flowing wet highlights rather like hazy rectangles with their long sides vertical. And I saw myself as Vishnu watching the grand spectacle contentedly, with love and affection.
I named myself Sudhavarshini. I am she. A witness to a witness to actions. Her actions are mine. Reach me through her, by word thought and deed acting in unison. I have given my power Hladini to Sudha. Speak, Sudhavershini, fill the world with the nectarine bliss of universal union. May your enemies hate, anger and violence be killed. Kill your enemies with the arrows of thy love. May thy love and thy lovers populate my field. Speak, Sudha, my love, here, take my son for help. Speak, Sudha, speak. Let this be your Upanishad.
Source: Guruji's typed manuscript (1976)
