Sexual practices while embarking on the spiritual path

arpit

Sri matre namah

Om gurubyo namah

recently, I have been having these doubts. How much should a sadhak engage into sexual practices? Should a sadhak try to avoid sex with partner and activities like masturbation? I do understand that excessive is bad and I also sometimes feel that there isn’t much/ a lot of joy in these activities anyway. Still sometimes the urge arises and despite knowing that it’s not that pleasurable still I engage into it and then later thinking that what a futile thing to do. Still, the urge arises in the mind. So, i am confused on this topic.

I would be grateful for your thoughts. Has guruji said anything on this topic? When the urge arises, should we remind the mind that it’s only a body/ mind desire or is it okay to engage?

thank you

nilasara

What sort of difference has it made in the past? It will make a similar sort of difference in the future. Sexuality is not something you put on and take like a fashion.

Science says it's better for a sexual man in his prime of health to be sexually active and to change out his sperm because old sperm starts to have old DNA. If you are going to have children then a healthy sex life is healthy.

If you do not care so much about sex, then the question doesn't much arise. If you have a girlfriend, she often doesn't initiate, because she wants to know that you wanted her. So the question is do you want her? Enough to initiate, enough to enjoy the consequences.

As for masturbation, it matters very little. Unless it does. If you masturbate chronically then you are doing so to amplify your neurochemistry because you are trying to give yourself a lift. Which suggests you're not very happy in general. Consider your life and whether you are doing what you really want to be doing. Masturbation can be substituting for action which can ultimately bring you more fulfillment.

Or masturbation can be throwing off basic frustration.

Only you can know. There's wisdom which states, "moderation in all things." That goes for sex and masturbation too.

100% yogis live 100% yogi lifestyle. But 100% yogi life is not about yogi Olympics. Moderation in all things. Live the life of a yogi 75% and life in the world 25%, or 50-50%.

One might say Mayi has you entrapped. One might say Mayi has you enchanted. One might say, you're fortunate to think like that, considering the billions of suffering people who wish they had it better and could even consider such notions, as opposed to where their next meal is coming from, or where the next earthquake, flood, tornado, bed to sleep in, how to get their next drug fix. There's a world of pain. You have been blessed to not have to think about it.

So consider yourself lucky. From my dating years I can tell you it was greatly up and down. The notion of kismet surely had something to do with marriage. So many dates. Seven different women at one point. Each one good and also not happy.

Then the one. The Goddess knows I am stupid so I saw her picture and when I met her I was as if in a dessert. And she was the only person. The tall cool glass of water.

She made all the difference. I make sure I tell her so every day. Together you'll walk the path. Together you will be a whole person and life will matter.

Remember to serve that person. Remember to live because life is short. Don't put off living for a future which was written by DC or Marvel. Or even by Autobiography of a Yogi, or the Bhagavad Gita. There is no path. But wherever you plant your feet. Hopefully you have some notion of where you wish to steer them tomorrow. But even if you don't, if you have your spouse, walking your feet together is enough.

Maintain a sadhana. Don't forget about the deity. This is for health of the mind.

Some people are anhedonic. They do not feel pleasure. They wrote a lot of the books about renunciation. Let them keep their books. While alive, be alive. Moderation in all things. Made sure you have dated until you realize you found a special someone. Then treat them well. Think about them, not yourself.

To serve is to say you accomplished something. Try for that. Don't forget your daily practice.

Life is not so rough, if you have the deva with you. If you have your partner with you. There's a lot of opportunities out there. Find some. Help others. Plenty of opportunities there.

Masturbate. Shower. Go help others. That moderate sexuality is not going to stop you from being of benefit to others. Not going to stop your quest for knowledge. And so on. Just be easy. Relax.

Pushpak

Whatever I'm going to say to you, can and will challenge the views, opinions you have been carrying about sex from your uncountable past lifes.
Lets break this discussion into 2 parts.
One part is about what Guruji has said about it.
Second part is about how to apply what guruji has said in a practical way (This is from my own experience).

First part :

https://amritananda-natha-saraswati.blogspot.com/search?q=Guruji+katha
The points are taken from this website.

1) You can kill the lust by saturating it completely; this is the non-traditional way, the rebellious path, Kaula-mārga.

2) When death threatens, be not concerned, but observe the process very carefully, enjoy every moment of it.
When sex tries to involve you, be not concerned, but observe the process very carefully, enjoy every moment of it.

3) Offer your sex to Goddess. Whether it is intercourse or masturbation, it does not matter much, even though the first is better because Śiva and Śakti are being satisfied. When you do it with mantra japa, sex gets offered to Śakti.

4) Don’t feel bad or think it is immoral to have sex with deity. (The deeper meaning behind this is that sex means two people becoming one. When one has become one with devi or identical to devi, there is no shame, ego between devi and sadhaka. Being in samadhi means that you are doing intercourse with the entire world, how ? because you are identifying your self with the entire world)

5) Tantra accepts all forms of love and pleasure in worship, and so is enjoyable; it has been held secret only because it explores the role of fear and sex in transformation; in that it is not evil or dark; that it opens up a soul giving and seeking divine pleasures to all; that it appeals to the youthful spirit of fun; that it is an exciting way to reach an ocean of bliss; that it does not require many hours of commitment every day; that it defines goals of life by connecting to Goddess and getting help from Her.

6) Do kalāvāhana and do japa while in the act.
— With one śiṣya, when inquired on how to make sex sacred.

This is what guruji has said regarding sexual practices.

Second part : My own practical way of handling and thoughts and opinions about sex.

Respect your sexual energy. Every energy is a form of devi, respect her first. Don't think it is impure or bad. Without sexual energy, there can be no creativity or enlightment. Converting the sexual energy into ojas is the main process for attaining enlightment. You cannot avoid this energy within you.

This is entirely my opinion (which was shaped by Guruji teachings) on bramhacharya:
Bramhacharya doesn't mean not thinking about woman and so many other rules. It's about how much awareness do you have on the divine, even while you are engaging in this material plane. Krishna who has married 16108 wives and has 10 children with every wife while living in grhasta asrama and yet he is called nitya brahmachari. How it is possible, it is because he always contemplates on the brahman irrespective of the work he is doing. Whether he is engaging in conjugal activites or any other activity. Krishna doesn't forget about his true nature (obviously he is brahman himself).

https://amritananda-natha-saraswati.blogspot.com/search?q=kamakhya+told+amrita

if you read this website. You should understand the sex which devi kamakhya is refering is not the kind of sex which the humans are doing it. If a person is having sex on a particular day, he would want to have it again and again, unlike what devi kamakhya has told.

You can have sex or even masturbate without breaking your brahmacharya. How? Lets analyze. While having sex or masturbate, people usually ejaculate. Which results in loss of energy with the body, which also makes one deviate from brahman. So you can have sex or masturbate without lossing that energy and also attain the energy required to reach brahman. This is the kind of sex, which devi kamakhya is refering too when talking to guruji.
Let's use the term tantric sex to differentiate from the normal kind of sex.
Let's analyze why do humans actually want to have sex. Because they experience happiness beginning, during and ending of sex. If you are experiencing happiness, then it must be coming from that very source, which is brahman. (This is the main philosophical point behind using pancha makaras in kaula marga, because those pancha makaras gives happiness to this body). Now what differentiates a normal person and kaula is that kaula is always in control of his/her senses, he/she is a warrior and doesn't surrender to the desires of the senses. (Let's talk about this some other time).

Now what is the procedure or the philosophy behind tantric sex?
In tantric sex there is no ejaculation outside. You might question then how can we experience the orgasm. Through various exercies, we can seperate orgasm and ejaculation. During sex or masturbation, we generate huge amount of semen (when converted it becomes ojas, spiritual money), when the ejaculatory muscles are consciously controlled through exercises we can send the energy which is inside the semen to the crown (sahasrara chakra). Mind you, this is no raising of kundalini, but it extracts the energy from the swadhistana chakra and send it to the sahasrara chakra through the spine. When the energy successfully gets transmitted to sahasrara chakra, one experiences bliss, it's like amrita is flowing through your head. So you will experience your orgasm like that.

How to send the energy towards the spine? Guruji has given the procedure called lata sadhana. You can read it from the link im sharing.

https://amritananda-natha-saraswati.blogspot.com/2016/04/steps-towards-god-and-latha-sadhana.html

But before engaging in these practices, there are 2 aspects of it. One is mental aspect, how should you approach it mentally and another is physical aspect, how to actually control the ejaculation.

Lets talk about mental aspect. You cannot eliminate lust(carnal desire, which controlled can lead to god, beauty,love, pleasure, compassion, poetry and all other creative stuff, when uncontrolled leads to rape, sexual abuse and mental abuse). To control the lust, one has to develop UNCONDITIONAL LOVE towards this world. One shouldn't judge any person. In a sense you are being surrendered to that divine and also accepting that everything in this world is divine.
The way to do this is to activate your anahata chakra by chanting krishna mantras( hare krishna maha mantra helps the best according to my own experience) or if you know any other way you can do it.

Now coming the physical aspect. There are bandhas and mudras to be exercised.

Aśvinī Mudrā , Śakti Calana Mudrā, Mūla Bandha, Uḍḍīyana Bandha. Using all this mudras and bandhas together can lead to vajroli mudra(not exact, but the working is same). In shiva samhita, shiva says one who controls the semen by this mudra can enjoy with various woman and still not lose his seed(semen). When semen is directed towards the sahasrara charka, it becomes a cause for the fountain of youth, you become home for various siddhis and you become compassionate like divine mother and even attract various beautiful entities like apsara, yakshinis and so on towards you. You can also read about The Multi-Orgasmic Man / Healing Love Through Tao by Mantak Chia.
He lays down the procedure (which he describes that it was long held secret, which is now being made public )on how to control the seed in the swadhistana and send it towards sahasrara chakra. the reason why it was held as secret is because people can become slaves to their senses if it is not approached with the right mentality (which i have described in the above part).

Don't hate yourself because you are unable to control your lust or because you are thinking about woman in sexual manner. It is natural and it's okay one has to learn how to convert that lust into unconditional and unlimited love for this world, then you can have vision of the goddess in everyone. In sri chakra, brahmi controls lust and also helps people to have long prolonged orgasms(which is said by guruji). You can also pray to her.

https://amritananda-natha-saraswati.blogspot.com/2016/04/abhishekam-to-ashta-matrikas-in-sri.html
The website has her mantra. You can chant and see the difference for yourself. There is a small correction in her mantra.

Om aiṃ hrīṃ śrīṃ am āṃ sauḥ Brāhmī mātre kāma-saṃjīvanyai namaḥ

In website it is said as saṃjīvanīyai, but it is saṃjīvanyai.

Latha sadhana was taught to guruji by hladini devi (Love power of krishna, Radha devi). So leave aside all your judgements regarding this and try to improve yourself by practicing unconditional love towards all beings and also stop judging yourself for every thought. Be a witness to every thought, Be a witness to your enjoyment, Be a witness to your saddness. Then sure you will attain what krishna has told in bhagavad gita.

**अद्वेष्टा सर्वभूतानां मैत्र: करुण एव च ।
निर्ममो निरहङ्कार: समदु:खसुख: क्षमी
सन्तुष्ट: सततं योगी यतात्मा दृढनिश्चय: ।
मय्यर्पितमनोबुद्धिर्यो मद्भक्त: स मे प्रिय:

Those devotees are very dear to Me who are free from malice toward all living beings, who are friendly, and compassionate. They are free from attachment to possessions and egotism, equipoised in happiness and distress, and ever-forgiving. They are ever-content, steadily united with Me in devotion, self-controlled, of firm resolve, and dedicated to Me in mind and intellect.**

Lalita Tripura sundari is a form of loving and nuturing energy. Offer all your pleasures to her, because they originate from her. She is the female form of Sri Krishna(as said by guruji).
It's okay to feel lust, so take responsibility of it and convert it for unconditional love. Hope you gained interesting insights.